Let's get real :
After being in business for 5+ years I get asked the same questions again and again, so below I have written, in real language the what's what of your purchase journey.
Of course, above all this, the consumer guarantees act applies to all purchases, for both you & us, so we are all protected under law. We will always abide by this!
How long will my order take to arrive?
Honestly, who knows! Once your order leaves us, it's up to the courier Gods to deliver it to you. Most small boxes take 1-5 days to arrive nationwide, Furniture takes anywhere from 1-21 days.
It all depends on where you are, if you're rural or not, what your courier had for lunch and if another Natural disaster has hit the Country or not. All I can say is this.
Once your online order is made, we usually pack it and send it that day, but please have some patience, we are a small team. We will send you a tracking number & you can follow your orders journey from there.
We can not offer overnight delivery as NZ isn't there yet, we’re not America. I’ll just LOL at you if you ask.
Can I return products if they're not quite right?
I get it, sometimes you buy online & it's not what you imagined, we have all done it! All I ask is that you read the product description carefully. Some of our things are individual, or made from tree roots. I can't tell Mother Nature to make exact replicas of the pictures on my website, but most stuff is exactly as pictured, not the Crusoe Root Side tables tho obviously, they are the Tree Roots :)
If you get your order & you hate it that much, send it back to me, at your own cost & i’ll swap or refund it. While I love to shout my mates a glass of Champers, I’m not shouting you the courier fees to return your unwanted item. I'm not a buy & swap so I have some respect for that, I want to be able to keep buying Champagne & paying for return couriers would come out of my bottom line, I’d go broke, I like Moet too much.
I can't change your Dining Table or Sofa though. Furniture has to be sold boxed up to ensure quality, & no matter how hard you try putting a table back in a box will never look good. Then I'll need to resell it to another customer, they will not be impressed with a half munted box, just as you wouldn't!
You also dont want to pay the $100 plus to return it to me, its a waste of money! All Furniture sales are final unless faulty of course, to which we will replace free of charge!
Shit, my items arrived damaged, what do I do?
Firstly, Swear. Then take a photo of the product and the way the packaging arrived. Email it to me, DM me on Insta, whatever! Just get me the evidence and I’ll put in a Courier Claim, get your Faulty item picked up, & send you a replacement, after of course swearing cause I've had to spend twice as much money to get the sale because of a careless driver.
But Shit happens, we will sort it! If I can't get you a replacement I’ll refund you, and then swear twice as much because I've lost money, but that's the name of the game! All I ask is that you remember to be kind to me, I didn't munt your box, but I’ll sort it out for you, I'm a shit sorter!
Of Course our Furniture has a Warranty! I wouldn't be in Business if it didn't, the Commerce Commission would come after my arse. Each product is different, but remember the Consumer Guarantees act, you're covered if something breaks that isn't part of normal wear & tear.
Just go on their website if you're unsure if your kid smashing your barstool, after standing on it & being told to sit down 5 bloody times is covered or not, you’ll get the gist soon enough!
Im in Auckland, can I view your Sofa?
I’m in Upper Hutt, so no, you can't. Got it? Honestly, enough said.
Any other Bullshit that happens on your orders journey, just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org & I’ll do everything in my power to sort it, I want you to be just as happy getting your order as I was when you made it, my phone went Cha Ching & your money appeared in my account!